


Lost Light

by KazeChama



Category: Guardians of Childhood & Related Fandoms, Guardians of Childhood - William Joyce, Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forehead Kisses, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Not entirely sure about the Angst tag though...?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-16 23:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2289269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazeChama/pseuds/KazeChama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After saving Katherine Nightlight's world changes drastically. He runs away and straight into the arms of his enemy. Will Nightlight find what he is looking for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kozmotittspitchiner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kozmotittspitchiner/gifts).



> I was feeling pretty down and Kozmotittspitchiner suggested I write them a h/c Pitchlight story. And it did help me feel better. I hope this story can do the same also for other peole.
> 
> I never explicitelly mention depression, but I describe it, so take care of yourself and read this til the end, because that is the fluffy feel-better part.
> 
> A huge thanks to Sammylostshoe for reading this as my beta <3  
> Any mistakes that remain are my own.
> 
> I'd be really happy about any feedback. Comments and kudos are what I live and breathe for X'D

Meet the boy who isn't really a boy, but isn't really growing up either. Meet Nightlight, the spectral being, millennia old, who spent uncountable years trapped in the heart of a creature so dark and sinister, it can only be the villain of our story. Nightlight sacrificed his own existence to imprison the Nightmare King, but while he was caging our villain, he - Pitch Black - was eating away his light. Eventually Nightlight got free, but so did the Nightmare King. The fight began anew, with new Guardians to keep Pitch Black at bay. Nightlight protected the children from nightmares, fought along until to rescue Katherine he sacrificed what made him a Nightlight. To wake Katherine from what seemed like eternal nightmare dreams, he kissed her and thus marked an end to the spectral boy. This is where our story begins:

Hovering over the heads of his friends Nightlight moved around the room very quietly and left through the window. Ever since that kiss, he felt weird. His inner glow was diminishing. No one seemed to notice, only him and Katherine since she didn't look directly at him anymore. It hurt a bit.

As he left, his heart was heavy with sorrow and pain. After a long time his face was wet with tears that slipped through his fingers. He couldn't collect tears and the memories within them anymore; he was broken. What use was it to stay, when he feared turning into a black hole?

He had lost his spark, and what kept the shadows at bay now seemed to call them. Nightlight noticed how often he was looking at his hands and checking if they got stained. He felt dirty. When no one was looking, Nightlight rubbed his hands to scratch the mud away. There was nothing, yet no matter how hard he scrubbed, his hands felt dirty.

He was constantly smiling, for no reason at all. He always smiled easily, but now he noticed how wrong it felt.

He wasn't a guardian anymore, he wasn't needed here.

He spent an eternity and a few more hundred years keeping Pitch Black under lock and key. But Pitch's dark heart had been devouring his light all the time. As he was freed nothing of his light was left but a spark. This tiniest glint was now gone as well.

Flying high above the clouds was impossible now, and after he left the enchanted forest, the spectral boy continued his journey on foot. 'Walking required constant effort, with every step he lost balance and fought not to fall. But flying was even harder. His imaginary wings were clipped and couldn't hold him properly.

Nightlight was sad, his face still wet, but tears no longer formed in his eyes. He didn't understand it. He was glad he saved Katherine and that was all that mattered. Why wasn't he rejoiced, why did he want to cry endlessly? Why couldn't he just cry and then feel better? He let out a sigh and walked heavily leaning on his trusty spear.

He walked day and night, giving his dim light to the shadows he walked in. He didn't deserve the light of the sun; much less did he want the Man in the Moon to see this crippled self of his once mighty protector.

Nightlight didn't usually need sleep. He continued on until at the third day, he sat down near a cave to rest. He lifted his head up to the sky. The bright orb was hidden behind clouds. The scenery was lit so dimly, Nightlight's light seemed stronger.

Once again he inspected his palms. He lost count of how many times he had checked them for differences. The shadows on his hands seemed to flow and dance to mock him for trying.

He stretched one hand to the deep shadows of the cave, to see if the contrast of his pale skin helped change what he saw. And it worked indeed. His hand shimmered in a soft warm blue as it used to.

A smile that wasn't as forced appeared on his face and he put the hand directly in front of his nose to examine it better. Maybe it was all fake, a joke his mind had played on him. He had to be sure.

Upon closer scrutiny his palm was truly spotless, but the glow was gone. Was it the shadow that made his spectral qualities more noticeable? Nightlight made a step into the cave. Then he felt the horror of a thousand nightmares merging into one as this was the cave the Nightmare King was resting in!

The boy leaped into the air, his fatigue forgotten and flew as far as the wind would carry him. His mind was racing: "Away, away from this monster." The direction wasn't important.

But Nightlight didn't pay attention to where the wind was carrying him, his surroundings blended into a dark tunnel he was trying to get out of. His pointy boot got caught between the branches of a high tree, and he fell into the thick understory and into a deep slumber.

When he woke up, it was night and no moonlight could penetrate through the canopy of high trees where he was lying under. The little boy pushed himself upright and stared down at his palms yet again. It was dark, but his palms were as dim as before. So it was just a trick of his mind.

He started wandering again and it took him two nights and as many days before he found his way into open space again. Dark thoughts plagued him on the way. He had found the Nightmare King's lair and he should have told Ombric or Katherine where it was. But instead he was wandering around, not even trying to find his way back to the village.

His head hung low as he walked with the help of his spear. He didn't care where his feet took him, he just went along. When he felt too tired to make even one more step he fell on his knees and then laid flat on the ground. He closed his eyes and went to sleep again, for even a Nightlight needs rest. A broken one even more so.

He woke up three days later to the sinister laughter of Pitch Black.

"This is brilliant!" Pitch exclaimed gleefully from the other side of the cavern. Nightlight's steps had carried him back to the place he tried to escape.

The boy was still tired from his long walk, he barely managed to lift his gaze to see and his arm to stop Pitch from getting nearer. His outstretched hand gave off a warm light. Pitch's mocking laughter rang amplified through the cave. Before Nightlight could understand more, the darkness claimed him.

This time he didn't lose consciousness, he was engulfed by Pitch's artificial brand of black. Even his glow was lost. He felt lifted and moved, his head spun, the control over his limbs was lost. His armour was yanked from him piece by piece until only his breast plate remained, to which he clung desperately, finally master of his arms at least. He wanted to protect what remained of his heart from the darkness, from Pitch.

Then this sinister feeling crept in where he couldn't block it out. It whispered velvety into his ear. _There is nothing left from your heart. You gave everything away, to protect Katherine, to stop Pitch. There is no more Nightlight._

“Aha! Ha! Ha! Haa!”

The gleeful laughter tore at the thin boy's soul. A tear found its way down his cheek and into Pitch's palm, where it turned into a sparkling stone. Long fingers wrapped themselves around the gem and crushed it into dust.

This was Nightlight's fate - to be crushed by the one thing he was supposed to keep at bay.

Pitch left Nightlight alone. What stayed was gloom. No bars were needed to keep the spectral boy in this place, no word was uttered to increase his agony. The absence of his light was enough to convey the misery of the situation.

Nightlight felt each part of his body as a heavy burden. Keeping his arms in front of his chest was taxing. Eventually the boy pulled his legs up to his chin and locked his arms around them, his back against a wall. He could move around, but felt the lack of motivation to do so as an acute pain. He was trapped in a cage of his own making.

He closed his eyes and the pain shifted. There was the Nightmare King, hands on Nightlight's shoulders, pinning him down, pushing him into the ground with the strength of tons and tons of bad dreams. It was much easier to attribute the burden to an outside cause.

Nightlight settled with his forehead on his knees. He wasn't sure if he was hungry or thirsty. Did he now require substance to survive? He certainly didn't want to eat. He felt sick and eating would require him to move.

\---------------

"The mighty Nightlight! Hardly able to lift his head. Why did you come here then? You had to know I wouldn't let you go."

As Nightlight didn't say anything - what could he say to that anyway - Pitch pulled his hair to force Nightlight to meet his gaze.

"You are a pathetic joke!"

Nightlight found himself staring into two golden wells, the only thing visible in this darkness. It was eons ago since he fought his foe face to face, yet this was a well-known face. He suddenly knew for sure this was the first time he actually met those eyes. For once he didn't feel like averting his gaze.

One thing changed within Nightlight. There was warmth around his chest, like Nightlight feared he would never feel again. The grip in his hair hurt, yet it helped clear his mind and focus. Pitch's touch was as if lifting his curse. He knew he had to keep this person in control, under control.

But he wasn't in pain anymore. He stared back, suddenly not feeling like a pathetic joke, but like a hero.

“You do realise I can smell fear? You may be braver and more determined facing me, but I know very well you are scared of not being good enough a Nightlight anymore. And you aren't! _There is no more Nightlight!”_

Pitch hovered over the boy like a tower, menacing, but it made Nightlight only shine brighter. And he now could. Pitch gave him the strength necessary to fight.

As Nightlight held his gaze, Pitch's expression shifted. Then tears started to fall on Nightlight's bent knees. He automatically opened the hand to collect them. He managed to keep one tear in his palm and gaze into the memory stored within. What he saw in Pitch's tears was heartbreaking. It was the pain he grew so accustomed to.

Pitch may be able to read his fear, but he now saw deep into Pitch's soul. He saw a man standing within nothingness, a man so alone he sought shadows as company. Then when desperation and darkness devoured him alive, only a sickening seclusion remained within Nightlight as the memory ended. The man was now standing next to him speechless over his own tears. Like in the memory Nightlight saw, the man merged with the shadows, this time knowingly.

Nightlight was left alone. He was floating in eternal night. 

The continuous loneliness brought out all the pain. The endless silence was crushing; the helplessness was omnipresent, choking his neck, bringing tears to the edge of his eyes.

"I don't want to hurt," Nightlight muttered. He spoke rarely for words were magic and to be used carefully. In this instance he hoped to break his curse, stop the causeless pain.  
He didn't care anymore if Pitch would make fun of him. The silence was worse. He didn't want to know what Pitch would do next.

The Nightmare King manifested behind Nightlight and gently pulled him into his arms. He inhaled deeply as Nightlight tensed. Would he mock him for dreading the blows fear can dish out?

Tense minutes passed and the boy started to worry the silence would continue, that Pitch only wanted to torment him with his presence. Then Pitch decided to speak.

"Nobody wants that pain." After a pause: "It break people. They then lash out to hurt others to ease their suffering. Share the burden, you know?" At the last sentence he squeezed Nightlight tighter. Now it wasn't the personification of fear holding the spectral boy but a broken father. Someone who fought, who gave a good cause his all, until there was nothing more to give. Someone so terribly lonely he used every possible way to be seen. Tears fell down the boy's face as he turned to embrace the older man in return.

Pitch, as if now realizing what he was doing, let go of Nightlight, who dropped onto the floor cringing under the loss of his wife and daughter, paralysed by fearlings whispering into his ear: "Daddy, save me. It's so dark."

This was the moment Nightlight understood the nature of his sadness. It wasn't his light he was mourning. Pitch's heart didn't steal his essence, no it exchanged it! Nightlight got back some of Pitch's sorrow.

He remembered brave Katherine pitying the Nightmare King. She always could see what other people ignored. She saw the good part of Pitch. She probably saw the darkness in Nightlight too.

What he just had witnessed was that good part and what he felt when Pitch wasn't near was his own darkness closing in. Nightlight was sick and the only person to ever help him feel better was the Nightmare King himself!

He let his head hang low and stared at the little black diamond made from Pitch's tears in his palm. Maybe he could bring out the good in Pitch as Pitch brought out the light in him?

Unlikely. Nightlight's despair flared up again. Would he sit in darkness, unable to save himself until fear corrupted and destroyed him completely? He didn't know how to ask for help. Or whom. Pitch wasn't an option.

He tried to count the water drops falling, but after 300 and something he lost count. Was it day or night? He didn't know, didn't care.

Even knowing the cause of his weird feelings wasn't enough to make them stop.

\---------------

Gentle hands probed at his breast plate fastening and he let them. The last piece protecting his heart was peeled away, baring him, making him defenseless. He was then lifted and seated on a warm lap, hugged by long thin arms. A soft murmur forced its way into his ear:  
"You are scared of the dark, but can't leave it. And that is alright. I am the darkness, I will always be here to embrace you."

Nightlight closed his eyes and let the shadows wrap around him as a protective blanket.

"I will accompany you until you glow enough to chase me away."

Those words should have been threatening. All Nightlight could hear was a person understanding how he felt without needing to explain. He felt protected. He let out a breath relaxing but didn't return the embrace.

Pitch around him inhaled deeply, his chest expanding at Nightlight's side.

One tear after another rolled down the older man's cheeks toppled over the sad boy. Tear after tear was caught by Nightlight in his glowing palms. He stared at the memories of a man cradling his new born daughter, her first steps, the wedding kiss, his promotion to general.  
Nightlight wanted to store those memories and return them one day, for Pitch wasn't aware of his tears or those memories. 

“Fear is so much more logical. Fear has a reason. Fear of darkness, fear of the unknown, fear of failure.” Pitch muttered under his breath. As Nightlight was so close, he could hear it, but it wasn't intended for him. They sat in silence for a while, a warmth enveloping Nightlight. He was again so close to Pitch, this time the Nightmare King cradled the boy. The chest next to him moved as the older one took a deep breath:

“You can feel down or blue for no reason,” he began. “Sadness... doesn't work with logic, sadness is the part of your life you see but ignore, it comes back to remind you how different good days, happy days are. You can't stop being sad, you often can't find or change the reason for your sadness. And that is alright too.” As he spoke, Pitch stroked Nightlight slowly on the back, sometimes stopping to search for the right words.

“Be sad, be mad, be yourself.” The hand stilled yet again. Long seconds ticked by until Pitch continued: “You... You shine for others, so they aren't lost. You can't glow without darkness, you can't guide the lost without being lost yourself before.”

Every word was addressed to the boy in his arms, but his gaze was stretched into distance.

“You have wandered into this cave without scope in mind. Sometimes what you need is to find a goal and work towards it, fill your days with purpose. Do you think, you lost yours? Have you looked for it or just run away? Walked a straight line to me.” His voice trailed off as he answered his own question.

“You are in your heart of hearts a Nightlight and nothing will change that, no one can change that, except you.”

A glowy feeling expanded in Nightlight's chest. Pitch's words hit a string that vibrated with his innermost part. Pitch gave Nightlight a gentle kiss on the forehead. He spoke no more, but held the lost light close and patiently waited for him to shine again, keeping his promise from before.


End file.
